Tumblr, I apparently forgot to tell you: WE HAD A BABY. This is Flynn, she was born on Sept. 9 and she is the greatest person in the entire world, literally.
Sometimes she sleeps on my chest while I look at gifs of Ron Swanson dancing in a tiny hat and photo collages about how much the Doctor loves Rose.
Mostly, if you watched ‘Up All Night’ last night, Al and I are living parts of that. Mostly the parts where we need to reel in our swearing and the baby is so strong and OH MY GOD WE HAVE A BABY WHAT WHAT WHAT
Tumblr, I’ll be honest with you, I still don’t understand your place in my life. Am I supposed to explicitly acknowledge personal stuff? Allude to it? Because I feel weird not acknowledging this because what if I get really in to wedding blogs (CHANCES OF THIS HAPPENING: ABSOLUTELY ZERO OR A NEGATIVE NUMBER, oh my god, weddings be more boring, just kidding, you can’t.) or something?
Anyway, Al proposed, in front of the dinosaurs (an ALlosaurus!) at the American Museum of Natural History (so, my favorite exhibit in my favorite museum). I said yes. SHOCKING, I’M SURE.
There. Now Tumblr is caught up and I can go back to Ron Swanson gifs and people I want to watch make out.
You guys, here is the thing: of course I knew Lily was pregnant as soon as she was sick, and of course this moment was beautiful even then, and of course I’m currently pregnant so I got a little emotional, but mostly I was thinking OH MY GOD THAT IS A STICK YOU PEED ON AND YOU ARE PUTTING IT IN YOUR HUSBAND’S FACE STOP THAT STOP STOP STOOOOOP
My thoughts during watching this scene were vocalized, as I turned to Al and was like, “That was not how you responded, kissing me all over my face.” Not that he responded poorly, it was just, we were clearly the picture of people for whom it had not clicked that four pregnancy tests probably meant, oh, pregnant.
We are just going to have so many amazing and lovely stories to tell our daughter. And they are going to be almost entirely made up and fictionalized versions of things that in no way resemble the truth. YOUR FATHER OPENLY WEPT AND SUDDENLY BEGAN BELIEVING IN GOD, I IMMEDIATELY BEGAN KNITTING YOU THE BABY BLANKET WE DELIVERED YOU IN DURING THE NO-DRUG WATER BIRTH WE HAD IN A NATURAL SPRING
OH MY GOD SKINNY BOYS IN SKINNY CLOTHES, LOOK AT HIS KNEECAPS, THIS IS AAAAMAZING
The more pregnant I get, the worse this skinny boys in skinny clothes thing becomes because there’s going to come a point where I weigh more than David Tennant. And my actual boyfriend. Whose pants, at 20 weeks, no longer fit me because he is a fucking twig sent to earth to make me feel like I’m a monster that may, once I reach the third trimester, eat him.
(SPOILER ALERT: I WON’T BECAUSE HE IS NOT MADE OF CANDY OR POTATOES)
Is this — you can just decide to be Scottish, right? I can be Scottish now? And wine — that’s like, the same as a Macallan 15, neat, and filled to the top of a cup that somehow I can never spill and that just keeps refilling and also, oh, I don’t know, is full sugar Red Bull really a good chaser for this? I’m Scottish, it doesn’t matter! Also, here is some cold deli meat, a pack of Parliament Lights, a handful of unidentified drugs, and everything else that you certainly don’t dream about because that would be crazy and really who has stress dreams about accidentally having a drink and a cigarette? OH MY GOD I REALLY DO, IT’S AWFUL, THE COLD REALITY OF IMPENDING MOTHERHOOD IS THAT I AM LOSING MY MIND THINKING ABOUT ALL THE WAYS I CAN FUCK UP
I am going to be straight with you: I was not scared of the Silence because I was like, from the neck down, that actor playing that thing is tall and skinny and looks really awesome in that trim suit. I kind of want to climb him. And then I couldn’t focus on anything else.
Al summed it up like this, “Oh my god, you want to brown bag the Silence.”
WELCOME TO THE FOURTH MONTH OF MY PREGNANCY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HORMONES ON FIRE
